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Mar. 27th, 2014

Saying goodbye

I sat down LONG overdue to start typing out Lola's 8 month post. I finally had a minute after the very hectic last two weeks we have had, but I sat here and thought and thought. I don't know my mind just started wandering down memory lane not about Lola's last few months, but about this journal in itself. All the posts from my past, all the beginnings and endings this journal has endured. I started this journal off when I was like 16 years old, I was a baby and now I have a baby. So many transformations and this journal has been by my side through it all.
This post has been something I've dreaded and looked forward to for a long time now. It's a love hate thing.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to say goodbye to my livejournal. It's time to close the book to this old chapter of my life. I never really thought this day would come. But it's been a long time coming.
Since November I launched a blog and was going to see how I felt about it because of my recent failures with blogs. This one has changed my whole perspective of them and although it's not "big" yet, I absolutely love it. And I never find myself on here anymore except for Lola's monthly updates which I have to force myself on here for. My blog has become my place of zen and peace. A place that I can unleash all my thoughts AND also document my life as I feel. Documenting has always been very important to me, I want my story to always be by my side until I'm old and grey. And that's why I cherished livejournal so very much because it was that place for me for so long, but it's time to say goodbye. My time here has come to and end and a new door has opened.
So all I can really say is thank you livejournal for being my pillow to cry on and my ear to listen to after all these years.
Thank you old friend.

Feb. 12th, 2014

Month 7

So January flew by and February is doing the exact same thing. Especially since it's a short month...I guess I'm kind of just rolling with the punches now since being a parent at this point in time is getting easier. But this has been a super fun month, and it's starting to actually feel like I'm not alone every single day in the house because of your lively manner throughout the day. Always squealing and playing with your toys in your little corner of the living room, it's strange to me that in 7 months you have learned so much and grown oh my gosh you have grown. So far this month: you are saying Mama and Dada, yes you said Dada first, but the next day Mama popped out of your mouth right behind his. So I didn't get too jealous ;) you are also babbling words like baba, yaya, and of course your usual cave woman chants. You kind of got yourself into this nap routine where you nap twice a day sometimes three times and for about an hour and a half each. Only on mommy and daddy's bed though, but we don't mind as long as you're getting your beauty rest you are a happy camper and so are we. You've tried more veggies and fruits, I can barely keep track at this point. You are definitely not a fan of peas though, or butternut squash. You eat whole wheat cereal and oatmeal twice a day along with a fruit or veggie in the evening. You're still not crawling which is actually a good thing since mommy and daddy are procrastinating baby proofing the house. Soon enough! You love to play on the floor with all your toys and tossing things are about, everything you grab must go in your mouth because why not? You're wearing mostly 9 month stuff with the occasional 6 month outfit that will fit in your long self. You are getting very tall and losing your cheeks :( which is making mommy sad thinking about it.
But you are growing and changing with everyday and it's so much fun to experience every waking minute experiencing it with you.
This month was the first month as a stay at home mom that I finally felt like I was going crazy half the time. I could probably play with you for hours on end, but I finally have understood that it's okay to let you play on your own while I get stuff done around the house or heck even read a book. I no longer feel that twinge of guilt. I know that you are a happy, healthy little one and we are growing and changing together. You have taught me so much in these short 7 months. 5 more....the times is ticking.

Jan. 8th, 2014

Month Six

It's a brand spankin' new year, which also means it's a new month. Not just any ol' month though, January marks Lola's 6 month birthday. She is now embarking on the second half of her first year. Everything I wished for last month has come true in a short four weeks, because believe me December felt like it slipped through my fingers like sand. I wished for progression, and that's what I got. The bittersweet feeling of Lola growing up is getting more and more sweet than bitter. So far this month: you are officially sitting up on your own, which means you're grabbing and searching for things to grab close by. This has been mommy and daddy's favorite milestone because we get to sit in front of you instead of behind and physically play with you and your toys for the first time. You have tried new fruits, like strawberry mixed with banana, fresh avocado, raspberries, pears and many more. Yesterday we gave you fresh sweet potato for the first time, you're still adjusting, but you didn't seem to mind it! You are now using the big girl tub since you like to turn our kitchen sink into a water park. You got your first ever sickness this month, and had a camp out slumber party in the living room with your daddy and I. Needless to say, but I adore your teeny little sneezes and the fact that I got to snuggle you all night. Mommy's definitely not used to that. Lately you've been babbling new things instead of your regular "oohs and ahhs." It's like alien talk and I love to have alien conversations with you. You're still sleeping through the night like an angel and now you're waking up at 8:30 in the morning which is fantastic for mommy! You are getting oatmeal twice a day and fruits/veggies once a day. Oh, and just yesterday we experimented with your first sippy cup. You enjoyed holding into the handles, but aiming it into your mouth is still a challenge. All with time. And your daddy and I are delighted to say that your 6oclock witching hour is slowly subsiding! Finally, that was rough on all three of us.
We are so very proud of you, and cannot wait for what the next half of the year has to bring.

Jan. 2nd, 2014


Make Lola a felt book of the seasons.
Lose the weight I've been trying to lose for ages.
Make a jar of magical happenings in our house for us to read at the end of the year.
Make homemade pasta.
Throw a hungry hungry caterpillar birthday for Lola.
Develop a new style.
Keep learning sign language and teaching it to Lola and Ryan.
Stay in a cabin with Ryan celebrating four years together.
Go on a road trip.
Finally get my drivers license -.-
Go back to school.
Bring my camera everywhere and I mean everywhere.
See snow.
Cut down our own christmas tree.
Breathe deeper.
Go to Ginnie Springs.
Take more naps.
Pamper myself more.
Go to the renaissance festival and bring Lola.
See a play at Ruth Eckerd Hall.

365 days. Go.


Dec. 9th, 2013

Month Five

The world is not ready for this five month old, but she is definitely ready for the world. Tonight I was printing some pictures for a photo album I'm giving my brother as a gift for christmas. I was rummaging through my photos on my iPad and landed on all of Lola's newborn pictures. My heart sank to the floor when I saw how small her legs were. I scanned through picture after picture and I was brought back to my first week with Lola. I wish I could go back, I would have told myself so many things that I know now as a mom. I would have told myself that things get easier. I would have told myself to not worry about being perfect, but to just be. It's a bitter sweet feeling. I want those weeks back, but I'm ready to progress and Lola is way past progressing, she's already out the door and around the corner.
So far this month: We found a food that you love! Oatmeal is apparently tastier than rice cereal and apples mixed with blueberries is to die for. You like to make num num noises while you eat and it's hilarious. I was at my wits end with trying to give you solids, but we found out that if you see your bottle you MUST have it and nothing else. So yay for experimenting and finally being able to feed you solids at home. You rolled onto your tummy from your back the other morning when you woke up. Not sure if you've done it again. I believe that you're teething, but I haven't discovered any pearly whites yet. You just love to gnaw on anything handed to you, especially mommy's hand. You have found out that your voice box can do so much more than you realized and you squeal for at least an hour straight every day. I'm sure our neighbors love it dearly ;) I know I do, I love knowing that you're happy and having fun in this world. Your very first thanksgiving was this month. You chowed down on a small portion of mashed potatoes that you weren't too sure about. We even let you have a few spoons of vanilla ice cream and you LOVED it. We are so excited to experience christmas with you, we are more excited than you could even imagine.
Life with a baby is definitely getting easier like everybody says. I truly did not believe it, but it is. I think that as a mom you start building a confidence as time goes by, and that's why things get easier. I was leaving the store last night, just me, and as I was approaching the car I passed a new mom packing up her car with groceries. She had a fresh new born in the carrier attached to the cart and she was crying. The lady was frantically throwing groceries in the car at this point and shushing the baby. As I continued walking I felt this sense of wholeness. I remember being there hundreds of times with Lola at first. Every we went I was a disaster, even at home I was a mess. Things got easier. That's all I wanted to tell her as she was having a mental breakdown inside. Things get easier. But she will find out, we all do as moms and as dads. Having a little human is tough, but nobody get it until they ACTUALLY have one.
I feel whole now. For the past five months I've been striving to feel like a mom. But I no longer strive for that, because for the last five months I have been a mom. Now I'm just a confident one.


Nov. 20th, 2013

Month Four

Okay okay, so this is extremely overdue. But the past month has been whooshed by. From all the back and forth trips to Sarasota and Orlando then halloween festivities and taking down fall decor. Then unfortunately Dylan and Derek's dad passed away this past week so we have been visiting and mourning with him and his family. Things have been jam packed.
But I'm here now, and the house is as peaceful as ever with Ryan snoozing on the couch while Lola naps in her swing right next to him. I'm finally getting this post out there, because we CANNOT miss a month of milestones!
I have to say that month four has been the most interesting of all the months thus far. Lola's personality is really starting to shine through, we see it each and everyday. So far this month: you went to your four month check up and you have grown tremendously. Thirteen pounds and twelve ounces, just shy of 14 pounds of Lola. Your doctor says that you're professing beautifully and that's music to our ears. You are still sleeping soundly through the night (knock on wood) in your crib, which we are still so very proud of. Your personality screams independence, I see it in your every single day. Your growing hair! It's finally starting to really come in, and your daddy and I are so anxious to see what color it decides to be. You tried rice cereal for the first time this month, you weren't really a fan of the spoon and still prefer your bottle. So just the other night you tried mashed pears and you weren't too sure what to think, but you definitely took it better than the cereal. We're working on it, all in time. Oh I forgot to mention, how much you LOVE when we support you while you try to stand. You want to be mobile so bad, I know you get that from me. You're so anxious to get out into the world and discover and learn.
Naps have gotten a teeny bit better, and 6oclock is a hit or miss on some nights whether you feel like being a crankysaurus or not. You are very unpredictable, and we love that about you.

I've heard so much about the 5th and 6th month and how it's the magical months of a babies life. So I'm really looking forward to what is yet to come. Also, the holidays are nearing and that's going to be a whole new adventure for us as parents and for Lola. Things are really getting exciting.


Oct. 10th, 2013

Month Three

This post is a little delayed since things have been kind of crazy lately. Not too late though ;) Lola is three months old now and I kind of feel like we're getting into a new chapter of her life. Things are evolving and she's definitely changing with every days passing.
So far this month: you are still wearing 0-3 month onesies, but ALSO wearing 3-6 month sleepers and onesies. Pants are FINALLY fitting your itty bitty legs, just in time for the cool weather coming our way. I am so ready for those chunky monkeys. You are so alert now, it's madness you actually don't sleep through everyday events anymore. You practically barely sleep at all during the day. I think that you believe you are one of the cats and cat naps are your thing these days. BUT your mommy and daddy will be proud to say that you are sleeping 10-11 hours through the night in your crib, in your own bedroom all on your own. It's been two weeks going strong now and not a peep from you at night. We are so proud of your early independence at such a young age. You're now eating a whole whopping 7 ounces of formula every four hours, four times a day. Soon we are going to start rice cereal I think you're ready :) we have taken you on quite a few walks lately and you absolutely adore the trees. The weather is beautiful now and you're enjoying it as much as we are. You love love love when daddy comes home from work, he's like the grand master of playtime so you get pretty pumped to see him. But you're a not so happy camper when you don't get to bed on time. Your bedtime used to be 9, but right on the dot every day 7oclock you were a downright mess :) nothing made you happy. So bedtime is now 8oclock and you're still working on your fits of rage, but we're getting through it.
We're getting through it all. All the good days and all the really really grand days and then the not so great days. We are getting through it because all three of us...we are a team. We are doing everything possible for that little girl and if that means giving up a night out to eat or spending the whole evening walking you through the house to help calm the crying. That's what we will do. One of the greatest things I have learned from being Lola's mommy is that I am now second, and learning to be selfless because it's not that my life or Ryan's life's doesn't matter anymore. Because our lives matter greatly. It's that you need to learn the balancing act of being selfless when needed, but also never letting yourself go completely. Now that the third month is here, I'm feeling grounded and one with this whole parenting thing. I may not know all the secrets, but I finally don't feel like I'm just floating blindly along.

Sep. 25th, 2013

Handfuls of these

Making: Halloween decorations
Cooking: scrumptious dindins every week with my two fave people
Drinking: Apple cider, fall is here!
Reading: Disney stories to the shoosh
Wanting: a rug for the living room
Looking: at how far we've come
Playing: late night WoW sessions with Stephanie
Wasting: rainy days away
Trusting: my motherly instincts, it's like a new super power
Sewing: Lola's softy quilt
Wishing: the cold weather would join us soon
Enjoying: the little Ryan and Amanda moments
Waiting: for my oil diffusers to come in the mail!
Liking: that I can bake from scratch now
Wondering: what Lola is dreaming about when she dreams and what she's thinking about when she thinks
Loving: my Ryan, the shooshcabob, the twins, the grey fuzz ball and our cozy apartment.
Hoping: to find a pumpkin patch to go to for halloween!
Marveling: at how quickly Lola is growing
Needing: a lifetime supply of baking supplies
Anticipating: starting college back up next year
Contemplating: on changing my major to psychology :o
Smelling: my pink sands diffuser, the smell of Ryan sleeping next to me, and you know the baby smell
Wearing: my massive oscar the grouch shirt and undies
Following: letters with my eyes
Noticing: how much I have matured in the past year
Thinking: about going on road trips
Bookmarking: holiday stuff and Lola stuff and sewing stuff and baking stuff the usual
Opening: my mind
Giggling: when he wraps me up twice in his arms. Always twice.
Feeling: confident in the both of us. Being parents to Lola and our totally awesome future ahead.

Sep. 5th, 2013

Month Two

Things are starting to get more comfy around here, still a little hectic here and there, but much more coziness. I am absolutely shocked at how much you have grow in just four teeny weeks. How is it even possible that you no longer fit in one of my arms cradled? I'm not gonna lie I have new mom syndrome and I'm just so excited for what's going to happen next, I know I will regret this later on, but I'm eating it all up now while I can. So far this month: you are wearing 0-3 month sleepers and onesies, the sleepers are getting so tight and you just keep getting longer and longer its blowing my mind. You are starting to interact just a little bit with mommy and daddy, it's so funny when we have chats with you and you get so flustered trying to talk back. One day you will be full of words. You love sitting in your swing, you love the rocking motion and the mobile with the bright lights shining down on you. You can hold your head up all by your little self for almost one whole minute! You are so young, but you already know exactly what you want and when you want it, like when you get super fussy and the only thing that calms you down is The Postal Service and naptime can only be spent on your tummy most days. Your personality is still very distant right now, but I see little bits shining through. You attended your very first rays game this month and you were the best little one in the whole stadium. All your Grammies and Grampies love in dearly and you love to have slumber parties with them.

Aug. 30th, 2013

Fall into fall

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